A new life is such a joy. I sat in church yesterday and we were surrounded by beautiful new babies. I was reminded of our own young life with new babies, drool stains, and sleepless nights. I was also reminded of the awe I felt as I cradled our new baby. I recall rocking back and forth whenever I held the baby so that he or she was comforted. I was comforted by the warm little body, whose heart fluttered so fast and eyes were so bright.

Now, we are in a new stage. our kids are growing up. I find myself looking back at those baby days and wishing they had not grown so quickly. I do not regret anything. Though I wish time went slower.

My mom has passed away now 5 years(after a 10 year battle with cancer), dad has cancer but is surviving, and my younger sister has just been diagnosed with breast cancer.
I find myself wondering why I have been spared. I try to ignore this nagging question.

A part of my coping mechanism during this harsh winter has been to watch cheesy hallmark movies on Saturday nights. Somehow, the sweet little dramas and love stories, that end well are a comfort to me. I realize though that instead of reaching out to those around me I am seeking comfort in some sappy unrealistic movies.

This is bad right? I guess it is better than drugs, alcohol or other deviant behavior.
But as I sat there watching a movie that I knew would end with the right characters finally falling in love against all odds( I could write these movies!), I wondered why I was wasting my precious time on such entertainment.

That is the one thing I always say, “not enough hours in the day!”. But the therapeutic nature of these movies is priceless. I realize I watch them at night before bed. As if I need a bedtime story to tuck me in at night. A story without beheadings, cancer, corrupt politicians, overpriced items, a box full of papers that need to be filed, and oh taxes!

My goal this winter is to survive, stay healthy and be strong.
Appreciating babies from afar, watching sappy movies and working out daily will be my therapy.I will though make sure I only watch one per weekend and spend more time with my family and friends and have meaningful conversations and exchanges.

Looking forward to spring, planting and plotting my garden, and sunshine!