I may be broken but I know I am loved.
Though I am a broken human being with many flaws, faults, blemishes,mistakes, bad choices, and regrets, I know my Redeemer loves me still.
The trick is to find (and keep) people who can look past the brokenness and into my heart and still love and accept me.
I remember thinking, “this guy can’t be for real”
He had an ear to ear smile and a bear hug to go with it..
This was Chris our new brother in law. He couldn’t be for real. Yet I learned after a few hours of chatting and observation. He was the real thing. He was the most kind, genuine, loving happy bear-hugging beer drinking Redskin loving guy I had ever met. He had so much heart and never faked a damn thing.
These types of men are hard to come by. He had two kids he was raising with the help of siblings, marrying our sister Carol who had a son. This blended family worked. He was a happy daddy, loving and providing husband.
Everyone he met he was genuinely kind to. He had an exuberant nature. Everything he did with such gusto. He was all out, never shy about a punch line, an attempt at humor, if he was going to faux pas, it was going to loud!
The honesty and kindness that he shared with the world was new to me.
My husbands siblings are all fairly reserved, so this made the holiday visits fun.
Finally it was our turn to have kids. You know kids and dogs can smell a phony baloney a mile away.
My kids LOVED Uncle Chris. It is funny because it seemed the other cousins were very timid with him. He was always so loud with his hellos and squeezy with his bear hugs. My kids loved that. They loved him. He loved them. ” Girl, your kids are so cool, I love them! you know that? ”
Yes Chris, I know. They love you too.
Even though my husband’s sister passed away 10 years ago, He stayed a part of our family and celebrations. He was devastated when She passed.
Soon a new lady came into his life.
Bonnie was awesome and fit in as a good partner for Chris.
The kids grew to love her too. Bonnie and Chris. We would sit together at the “in-law” end of the table and joke the entire time. this past Christmas was beautiful. Unfortunately, Chris was diagnosed with cancer. Bonnie took such good care of him. She researched and cooked, prepped food, meds, took him to all his appointments and loved on him. We all love him. Last week there was a gathering for his daughters graduation. we all had a great visit with the man with the loud and loving heart , the was so genuine…
He passed suddenly.
I feel so blessed that we made the choice to see him and make the trek for the grad party. There were people at the viewing and funeral that felt bad for not making the party. For those of us there, it was a good bye. It was a last “I love ya brother”. (Though we did not know it at the time.) My kids all gave him a good bear hug and laughed and joked with him one more time.
Right now I can picture his full smile , eyes lit up with joy.
I know he is no longer suffering. I know he is in a better place. I still miss his presence. I am so sorry he will no longer grace our family gatherings. I am so sorry for his kids. Though they are grown and good kids, they have lost their mom and dad. It is not easy to bid someone so special farewell. Even though you know there is no more suffering for him.
I have been trying to keep it together through this week. But the funeral mass broke me. The outpouring of love, the beautifully sung Ave Maria, the realization that Chris was no longer present in this world with us. Now I can’t even stop the water works! I thought writing about my dear brother would have made me feel better. It just reminded me of how much I am going to miss seeing his face , hearing his voice, knowing that I would talk to him or see him soon.
I guess it is a good thing, that no matter how many losses I face, I can still feel the pain of loss equally as the first time I lost a dear loved one.
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