The beautiful deep blue sky in September creates in me a mix of feelings. Every time I look up and see a perfect, cloudless deep blue sky in September I am at first in awe of the beauty and serenity I feel when I see this. Then a sudden creepy ugliness comes over me. I am transported to that day 13 years ago.
I recall looking up and pointing at the sky to my children saying, “Isn’t this deep blue absolutely gorgeous? Abuelita Julia and Tia Euge are going to have a good flight home to Quito Ecuador!”
Yes, then later that morning on September 11, 2001 planes flew into the Twin towers.
It is because of that day, I feel superstitious, almost as if I should not be saying it is a lovely day because it may turn out to be another day of terror. It really is irrational to have a perfectly gorgeous fall day ruined by fear of what may or may not happen. It is a sick type of mental illness. I do feel it sincerely and deeply. It is like any other bad habit like smoking. ( I don’t smoke but I understand the internal fight that occurs when you know something is bad but you do it anyway). It is bad for my (mental) health yet, I cannot help myself. My mind does it. I allow it.
It is a melancholia that I feel. Also because both my Mom and grandmother are no longer here. But on that day we were all together.
Today late in September, the sky was gorgeous deep blue, the air was clean, there was a refreshing breeze that lifted my spirits above that day thirteen years ago. I refused to let that old creepy feeling ruin this day. I prayed to be released from such bad thoughts . For a moment my prayers were answered.
As I walked through the garden and worked through my noon time garden chores, I saw something moving near the Mexican Sunflower.
Actually, there were four Monarch butterflies: three on the Mexican Sunflower and one on the butterfly bush. These lovely creatures stayed in my garden until dinnertime. It was a treat to have them visit for so long. I got to take many pictures so that we can sketch and paint these butterflies in Art class. The answer to my prayer was that I need to look around and appreciate what I have regardless of what may be coming.
I kept walking back out to see if they were still in the garden and they did stay until late.
Marvegal's Blog 